On the Quiet Hours
I mentioned in my last article the quiet hours- these times where we sit with our own times and thoughts and meanderings and put to words what needs to be named and discovered in an unseen and untranslated space. Usually before we start showing up publicly- especially with thoughts and talents we hold dear- this is where we need to show up first.
It’s where I needed to show up first.
Absolutely none of this- this blog, this business, these clients, these connections, this e-mail list, this sharing and posting and scheduling and speaking- none of it would have happened without the tens of thousands of words I wrote that few will ever see. The days and weeks I showed up at my computer with a heavy heart and fast fingers- unraveling and unpacking the currents of my insides and naming what I was carrying. I can’t perfectly trace how this lead to that, but I do know that those quiet hours of consistent reflection empowered and equipped me for now. They showed me what I wanted, where I should go, and how to have some of the most crucial conversations of the last year- conversations that led to the realities I take for granted now. I assume have always just been there when that’s obviously untrue.
Before that sounds too intense- I never showed up daily consistently. Or in one way. Sometimes I’d write 100 words, others 1,000. Sometimes I’d show up 5 days in a row before going a month or two weeks without coming back. Usually I typed because it kept me going at the speed of my brain- but sometimes I wrote by hand so I could really weigh everything I said. Usually I repeated myself- often. Multiple entries reflect the same topics but from different angles- like inner diamonds I had to hold to the light over and over again.
But before I started showing up online or on social media or in my website or in any sort of professional sense- I showed up for myself. Even without realizing it. I started showing up by writing out my fears and anxieties and excitement and tracking my slow growth from only being able to note my favorite tea to writing some of the most gorgeous essays I’ve ever conceived. Yours doesn’t have to have that same trajectory- it just has to exist. The last thing you need in the quiet hours is pressure. You just need attendance.
I’ll keep this short because I really hope this inspires you to start showing up for yourself somewhere- on paper, on a document, in your own mind. You can take a walk, start a Google Document, or pull out a notebook- any notebook- and start asking yourself some questions like these (in no certain order- just whatever hits you):
What am I excited about right now? What am I celebrating inside?
What am I afraid of? Why? Where do I think that fear comes from?
What is happening right now that you’ve longed for in the past? How can you mark that?
Do you feel like yourself right now? Why or why not?
What am I processing? What keeps coming up? What ache, worry, or question keeps lingering in my head that I thought I’d be over already- or have never really sat down with in the first place?
What is changing? What do you feel yourself being in the middle of, or what are you just beginning? What could be/has ended that is stirring up something in you?
What do I really want? Truly? If I really sit down with it- what do I really want right now? (could be specific or general)
Not all of these questions have to serve you right now. I understand the overwhelm of well-meaning but off-base or overloaded journal prompts- as I rush to write them down somewhere or my spirit jumps from question to question, hoping I can write out in 10 minutes what people spend their whole lives revisiting over and over again. So, let’s take a deep breath. Pick one. And write 2-3 pages, 10 minutes worth, 500 words, or no limit/benchmark at all about it while you drink your coffee or before you go to bed or after you finish your meetings for the day. Connect it to a rhythm you already have and sit with yourself. These are not the end-all of questions, but they’re questions I found myself revisiting in my writing, whether I realized it or not. Questions and subjects that often guided me and gave me frameworks to wrestle with what was going on inside of me that was undoubtedly pouring out as well.
I hope this serves you- and shows you that showing up is as much internal as external, not performative but intentional and connective. Inhale, exhale- and let’s begin by showing up for ourselves.
