Willing to Be Wrong For
“If you died tonight, would you go to Heaven or Hell?”
Okay, but what if I don’t? What if I wake up?
What does Jesus matter then?
That. That’s what faith means to me.
In the Gospel of John, Jesus teaches us that those connected to him will have “life and life abundantly.” I know that doesn’t mean if I do x, y, z, I’ll be healthy, wealthy, and wise- that’s not how the world works. But I want that abundant life. I want Jesus to matter now- while I’m still here. I want “Love God, Love neighbor” etched in my bones and my soul. I want to exude the selfless love of 1 Corinthians 13 as best I can- for without love I am merely a rusty gate or a clanging cymbal, making noise with no purpose whatsoever.
But I also know I can’t do that on my own.
In Jeremiah 17:9, God speaks through the prophet Jeremiah to tell us that “The heart is deceitful above all things, who can understand it?” I remember learning that verse in Awana when I was young and even through all the other verses- the “God loves us” ones and the dense theological ones and the ones with guidance, advice, and virtue- I remember this verse always sticking out to me. It haunted me for a long time. And, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong, but I’m mixed on how it was often taught to me.
Sin is often taught as this individual thing. You lie to your parents- sin. You have sex outside of marriage- sin. You do bad thing- sin. But it’s more than that. And God’s more than some moral referee. (If you really want a good, soulful definition of sin or any Biblical concept, The Bible Project is so, so incredible. It’s honest, deep, and clear.) But, to me, sin is simply the Earth and humanity gone wrong. It’s when we don’t love God or love neighbor- both as individuals and as a whole. Systems have sin in them, Nature has sin in it, societies have sin in them. It’s like a gunk that clogged all the pipes of reality- turning us against each other and infecting us with diseases both physical and mental, making even viruses and bacteria and insects go- “That. That’s mine,” destroying everything in their path out of pure selfishness and senseless hunger.
Jesus existed in a broken, battered world. One where religious Jews were running around being all proud to be the “perfect Jews” while they abused, mistreated, and ostracized their own people and others, where rulers were unjust puppets with unfair powers, where an Empire had cornered the market on war, death, and murder. He was a brown, poor, undistinguished man in a broken, hurting, and diseased world- and yet He loved it. And yet He entered it. And yet He came to be with us. Like one of us looking down at the cockroaches and saying, “You know, I think I wanna go save and have a relationship with them. Make sure they can have shalom and then spend eternity in it.”
And there’s a lot of spiritual or dense or wild things in the Bible too. The world is complex, but luckily the Gospel isn’t. And neither is God’s love for us. It’s direct, it’s human, it literally transformed into human flesh so that He could dwell with us.
I’m more than willing to be wrong for the man on that cross. For the man who taught and served and saved and heard and moved and walked and never rushed a day in his life. Who was 30 before he came into ministry. We knew the secrets of the universe and yet mostly spoke them to those his people hated, women, refugees, the poor, and those that his own world said meant nothing. In another time in history, he would’ve been a slave on a plantation- two Black women finding his body missing from the cemetery- peoples and a testimony that would never hold in court but absolutely floored people’s hearts and souls.
And even without Him, even though the whole Biblical narrative is about Him, is about how God’s character, love, and justice is revealed through Jesus, God Himself I’m willing to be wrong for.
The God of the Psalms who holds our emotions, handles our complexities, and never, ever breaks His promises. Who is our refuge even when we’re so mad we want mass genocide of everybody we don’t like. Who is our rock even when we’re depressed, tired, exhausted, or grieving- unable to tell our tears from our snot. Who is our confidant and our friend even as we curse Him for allowing injustice or wonder if He’s even there at all. He can handle it. The God of the Psalms’ ego is not that fragile. He just wants to be with us, and wants us to be transformed by who He is and by His love. To see what He is already doing and to include us in that narrative. To be in relationship with Him, our neighbors, and ourselves. That- that God I’m willing to be wrong for too.
If I die and there’s nothing- but I lived my entire life in constant communication with who I thought was the keeper of the universe, and I go to my death bed swearing that He moves, He works, and testifying that this is who my God is, this is what He has done, this is how He is good and faithful and just- I have not wasted a second of it. I don’t have to know. I have to trust. To be honest, there’s not much in this world I know for certain anyways. My body could fail, my relationships could be lies, my feelings can be liars, my degree is a half-bet on a good job, my future is a mystery at best, even tomorrow’s a bit of a toss-up. I don’t know, but I also don’t know. I don’t know what could happen, but I also can’t fully know what’s possible. But, just like my body, my relationships, my feelings, my future- all of it, it proves itself by what it does. By who it is. And I know what God does. I’ve seen him working in people’s lives and I’ve felt His Spirit in me speak things I didn’t come up with myself. I’ve seen how I prayed for something and it happened. I’ve seen how He’s been with me through every season, even when in the midst of it I wondered if He was at all. I’ve heard of the complexities and mysteries of life and I’ve decided they’re far more magical than certainties and rationality. Even cells are mysteries, little ever-reproducing gobs of life and complexity. The tiniest speck of how life begets life. Of how God is a maker of details and intricacies and didn’t rush any nanometer of the universe through production.
My faith is a lot to me. It is incredibly simple, yet deeply profound. And, like Dallas Willard said, “Never believe anything bad about God.” Because He isn’t. The God of the Bible, Jehovah, Yahweh, Emmanuel, Savior- He is my Shepherd. And I shall not want. Surely His goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. His guidance and protection comfort me. And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forever. Those are hopeful verses- of course, I will get scared, of course, sometimes I’m dumb or wander off, of course, God’s goodness does not mean I’ll have an easy or fair or perfect life- but He will be with me. I know where I will dwell and I know where I belong. And that- that’s worth being wrong for.
I know everyone’s spiritual background and journey is different, but this is mine. I understand that spirituality, faith and religion has been and can be a source of pain, shame, and confusion for so, so many and I’m so sorry. There’s a reason my faith is in Jesus and not in imperfect people or systems that are just as broken as me. There are so many resources out there for you- the uncertain, the doubting, the hurting, and the alone. Keep looking for them and feel free to reach out to me for any personal suggestions. You don’t have to be in the wilderness alone.
No matter where you’re at with your own journey, I’m always grateful to walk alongside you on mine. Thank you for reading. Always know there’s no shame in discovering, in asking questions, in wondering and thank you for this safe space to share myself.
