On Managing Creative Energy
The very desk I can spend 14+ hours a day at when I’m in a creative frenzy.
There are things in us that we love. That set our hearts ablaze. That ignite, excite, and bring us to life. But they can also absolutely exhaust us, because that’s what fires do- they burn something up. That’s why you learn how to care for fires, how to stoke them and start them and keep them going without fizzling to a crisp.
I remember when I first started traveling often, I had to learn how to care for my inner fire of wanderlust and adventure-seeking. I had to learn what things I always needed to stay comforted and grounded, what practices held me together even if I was in a radically new environment, and how to gauge when to push through versus listen to my exhaustion. Youth camps and church trips trained me for that- teaching me how to keep a schedule, settle in, and make nests out of places I’d only be for a week or so. And a lot of the same logic carried over into my traveling life, except now most of the structure was up to me.
And not only do I have set practices, I also know myself. No matter how perfectly I pack my bag or whether or not I remember to get earplugs for the plane, I know traveling exhausts me. I know I’ll be slow the first day- taking in my new space and nesting. I know that I’ll want to find something to ground me- whether that be writing, walking, or drawing. I know that I’ll want routine, things to rely on regardless of where I am- like having the same face products while traveling or a cup of coffee in the morning. And I also know that new environments can stir up a myriad of emotions in me, so I try to give them space during and after my trip to unpack everything. I’m also sure to be gentle to myself after a trip, knowing that de-nesting from a place also takes a little mental work.
One of my favorite things about myself is how I can build a home anywhere. I can truly become a part of a place, merging in with it and letting it teach me everything it wants to. But I had to learn how to care for that part of me. How to keep the fire alive without burning myself within it.
Obviously, COVID-19 killed my usual wandering bug, but being locked up in my lair, as I jokingly call it sometimes, ignited another fire within me. One that I knew that I had but just never had the time to ignite like this- my creativity. I absolutely adore her with every inch of my being- she’s bright, complex, brilliant, and can create worlds and connections and pure magic. But, if I’m not careful, she can also burn me alive. And there’s already been a few times that she has.
I’m still really, really new to the whole creative life thing. I still don’t know everything there is to know (Will I ever though?), but just as I learned to care for my traveling fire, I’m learning to care for my creative fire. I try not to make her too big, enveloping everything else with it, or let her wither away too quickly, vanishing until the next time she comes. I don’t assume that she’ll be able to do everything or that her agility means I should just pile more on top of her- as if expecting a flame to survive without enough oxygen or cooking without adding more logs.
And just like traveling, it’s taken trying over and over again and a lot of simply paying attention to myself. I remember when I visited my friend up in Portland, I was so exhausted and honestly plain grumpy- but I couldn’t place why. I wanted to be there. I absolutely loved everything about her college campus. So, I guess in a desperate attempt to feel better, I went for a walk around her gorgeous Pacific Northwest tree and brick-laden campus. I found a place outside her dining hall and sketched out the most disproportionate drawing of one of the campus buildings. It is absolutely terrible. And it was absolutely healing and nourishing to just stop, sit, and admire the beauty of the place I was in. Literally, my whole perspective on everything changed after that- I didn’t mind the small, weird dorm showers or the constant blue hair dye that kept getting everywhere or that I was sleeping on a small cot. All of it just became a part of my new home for the weekend rather than something that frustrated me.
I’ve come to learn that what sitting and taking it in is for my traveling fire, organization and talking things out is for my creative fire. Half of my previous burnout was because I was ablaze with so many ideas and potentials and possibilities that I fizzled out trying to contain them all-or Heaven forbid- actually tried to start or complete them all. My trial-and-error brain just kept hitting failure over and over again, often not even in the direction I needed to be going in, like a goat ramming his head against a pole when there’s open space on either side.
So, in December when I was trying to resettle, listening to how to not let my spark turn into an all-consuming wildfire again, I started getting real honest about what I needed and what would help me. I got a real bonafide planner. I loved and still love my bullet journal but the fact that I only drew a day at a time made me think that that’s all the time I had- which was terrible. Also, I wanted all my creativity to be unleashed in creating or planning things- not creating a structure or organizing everything- so having already-designed weekly and monthly pages is honestly life-changing. I let myself change. I let myself let go of what I thought would help- and started using what actually would, like when I bought two sets of face wash and moisturizer so that I would always have them ready to travel.
Other things I changed:
Having two monthly calendar boards- one for events and the other for tasks and focuses- so I don’t visually assume that 3 meetings will take up the entire day. And then actually filling it in with what I’ll focus on when- so I can just focus on what I wanna do today.
Getting a bookstand so I can always put up and see my planner spread for the week. Being able to *see* all the work times I’ve already scheduled out is so helpful for me.
Re-organizing my bookmarks so they make sense to me (especially my business + creative bookmarks)
I also made a special folder in my business folder for “Ideas/Brainstorming” so that when I get random ideas, they’re easily-findable instead of buried in my endless stream of Google Docs
Creating a “Blog Ideas” document where I now put all my blog ideas whenever I have them- so that I know I can come back later and won’t forget them
Having three journals at a hand’s reach all the time- one for meetings, one for random notes/brainstorming, and one for journaling
Actually asking for help with project planners and such. I still haven’t fully played with or found my rhythm with them, but I’m trying it. Trello and Asana have both had good recommendations!
Keeping a ridiculous number of separate Google Docs for different clients, projects, ideas, etc.
Keeping rhythms like lighting a candle before working, putting on certain music, or creating that Instagram daily agenda post so that I have sensory and mental cues that it’s work time
Sleeping with my phone away from my bed. I am nowhere near perfect about this, but when I *do* do this, I feel so much better as I don’t wake up first thing to messages and emails or go to bed fresh-off creating things or intaking information.
Merging all my calendars into one calendar so all my meetings and assignments are in one calendar. (By the way, you *can* sync your canvas calendar to your Google or Apple calendar, fun facts!)
Using a scheduler that’s synced with my calendar. It was the first life-changing thing I discovered thanks to Joanna Waterfall and I will forever love it. It lets anyone who wants to meet with me pick from available times without having to do the whole “well are you free…?” back and forth DM or e-mail chain, hoping that somewhere it’ll match up. I use my.x.ai but there are alot of other ones out there too!
I’m still learning how to best care for my creative self, but I’m so proud of the fact I haven’t burned out in a while. That I’ve discovered both my heights as well as how to manage and avoid the deepest depths. My eyes and mind feel better. I remember the first day after a long train of burnout days, slowly coming back to creativity, that I went to bed normally. My brain wasn’t buzzing or exhausted all day. I just had a full, normal, fun day with hardly anything tangible to show for it and I didn’t mind at all.
In my last creativity spike, I always went to bed with my brain buzzing- as if my body knew it was just charging up enough to get back at it- and, honestly, that was okay. It was okay to have a few short nights, as long as once I got fully tired and my anxiety started up- I stepped back, closed the pages, and let myself rest.
Whatever creativity, burnout, or caring for yourself looks like, I wish you the best in this journey of learning and being there for yourself. Always know you are capable of creating amazing things- and of slowing down and being there for yourself regardless.
